Recognizing Self-Sabotage

In continuation of my last article “Victim to Victor”, The first step in this journey is to recognize if one’s victim mindset is what is holding one back? 

Am I the one sabotaging myself personally and professionally?

If you want to find out, read on!

The statements below are from the perspective of missing out on a promotion; however, it is equally relevant when in any group situation you are feeling unhappy with the situation, and how people are treating or responding to you.

When someone feels victimized, their frustration and resentment may come through in various ways when they talk about the person who they feel is getting something they wanted. Their speech might reflect bitterness, jealousy, and attempts to downplay the other person’s achievements and contributions.

So, as you read the statements, think if you ever make such statements to yourself or to people around you and introspect on how that might be affecting the way you contribute and engage in that group.

Below are some common ways people speak about someone who got a promotion instead of them, along with examples:

1. Undermining the Person’s Abilities

The person may try to downplay the competence or skills of the promoted colleague, implying that they were not as qualified or capable as themselves.

Examples:

• "I don’t understand why they chose them. Honestly, I’ve done more work in half the time."

• "They’re good at following orders, but do they really have leadership skills?"

• "Sure, they got the promotion, but we all know who’s doing the real work around here."

2. Attributing the Promotion to Luck or Favoritism

Often, the person will focus on external factors like luck, favoritism, or connections, rather than acknowledging the other person’s effort or merit.

Examples:

• "They just got lucky; it’s all about being at the right place at the right time."

• "It’s obvious that they’re management’s favorite—that’s the only reason they got it."

• "I guess knowing the right people is more important than actually doing the job well."

3. Expressing Resentment Through Sarcasm

Sarcasm is often used as a passive-aggressive way to express bitterness. The person may try to appear supportive, but their words carry a hidden sting.

Examples:

• "Oh, look at them! I guess they’re the company’s golden child now."

• "Well, good for them. I’m sure they’ll do just great… right?"

• "Wow, they’re moving up fast! Must be nice to have everything handed to you."

4. Playing the Victim

In this approach, the person frames themselves as the victim of an unfair system. They may emphasize how hard they’ve worked or how deserving they were of the promotion, implicitly blaming the other person for their disappointment.

Examples:

• "I’ve worked so much harder, but I guess hard work doesn’t really matter."

• "It’s always the same story—someone else gets the recognition while I’m left in the dust."

• "No matter what I do, I’m always overlooked. It’s not fair."

5. Highlighting the Person’s Weaknesses

Another approach is to focus on the shortcomings or mistakes of the promoted person, suggesting that these flaws make them undeserving of their new role.

Examples:

• "They’re nice, but we all know they struggle with deadlines."

• "Sure, they got promoted, but how are they going to handle all the responsibilities? They barely manage their current workload."

• "They’re good at talking, but when it comes to actually delivering results, it’s a different story."

6. Implying That the Promotion Was Political

The person may insinuate that the promotion was due to office politics or playing the corporate game, rather than competence or skill.

Examples:

• "It’s all about who you know. Clearly, they know the right people."

• "They’re great at playing the game, but I’m here to do the real work."

• "I guess it’s not about performance, but how much you suck up to management."

7. Minimizing the Person’s Efforts

In an attempt to feel better about the situation, the person might belittle the effort or contribution of the person who was promoted.

Examples:

• "They only worked on a couple of easy projects. I’ve been juggling five high-priority tasks all year."

• "They did a few presentations, and suddenly they’re management material?"

• "Honestly, they’ve had it easy. I’ve been doing the heavy lifting all along."

8. Expressing Disbelief or Confusion

People may express disbelief as a way of processing their disappointment. This can come across as passive-aggressive, especially if they insinuate that no one else understands the promotion decision either.

Examples:

• "I’m honestly shocked. I don’t think anyone saw that coming."

• "I’m still trying to figure out what they saw in them that I don’t have."

• "Did anyone else even know they were being considered? Because I didn’t."

9. Framing It as Temporary

To cope with their feelings, they might downplay the promotion by framing it as something temporary or unsustainable, implying that the promoted person won’t last in the role.

Examples:

• "Let’s see how long they can keep up. That job is going to eat them alive."

• "They’ll probably realize soon enough that they weren’t ready for this."

• "I’m sure things will go back to normal when they struggle to keep up with the responsibilities."

10. Suggesting It’s Not a Real Promotion

They might try to comfort themselves by suggesting that the promotion isn’t as significant as it appears, or that the role isn’t that valuable.

Examples:

• "It’s more of a lateral move than an actual promotion."

• "They didn’t even get that big of a pay raise. Is it really worth it?"

• "Sure, they got a new title, but their job is basically the same."

11. Using Deflection

Sometimes, the person might deflect attention from the promotion by suggesting they weren’t interested in it to begin with or by diminishing its importance to them.

Examples:

• "I wasn’t even gunning for that role, so it’s fine."

• "I’m focused on bigger things anyway. That position doesn’t really fit my long-term goals."

• "It’s not a big deal. There’ll be other opportunities down the line."

12. Implying That the Person Took the Easy Route

The person may try to diminish the achievement by suggesting that the promoted colleague chose an easy or less admirable path to success.

Examples:

• "They didn’t have to deal with half the challenges I did. I took on the harder projects."

• "They’ve had a smoother ride compared to the rest of us."

• "Sure, they got promoted, but they didn’t really step out of their comfort zone to get there."

13. Dismissing the Value of the Role

Sometimes, to cope with their feelings of disappointment, a person might try to convince others (and themselves) that the promotion isn’t as desirable as it seems.

Examples:

• "Honestly, I’m glad I didn’t get it. That role comes with a ton of stress."

• "They can have the title, but I’d rather not deal with the extra workload."

• "I didn’t even apply for it because I knew it wasn’t worth the trouble."

Such behavior and statements can have a widespread impact and is not just limited to:

• Damaged Relationships: This type of talk can alienate the person from their colleagues, who may see them as negative, envious, or unsupportive.

• Reputation Impact: Negative talk about a colleague’s promotion can damage the person’s own reputation, making them seem bitter or unprofessional in the eyes of others.

• Self-Sabotage: Focusing on tearing down the other person instead of learning from the situation can prevent the individual from reflecting on their own growth areas, ultimately stunting their personal development.

• Emotional stress: focusing too much on how someone or something else is ruining your life leads to emotional stress and fatigue. Often leading to depression and anxiety due to a feeling of helplessness.

• Team Environment: If such comments become widespread, it can create a toxic or divisive team environment, leading to tension between colleagues.

So if you feel something similar to the above is happening with you, then it is important to ‘Master your Mindset’ and move from being a ‘Victim to a Victor’. Refer to the steps mentioned in my previous article. 

If you feel that this mindset is affecting your well-being and Happiness, you can also refer to my article on "Happiness is a way of life, not a destination"

For further focus on developing your ‘Victor Mindset’ feel free to connect with me.