Living with a Narcissist: The Story of Vijay and a Deeper Look into Narcissistic Personality Disorder
- Nishchay Motadoo
- Jul 2
- 4 min read
Vijay was always the fixer in the family. The peacekeeper. The one who made excuses for others’ bad behavior. Whether it was smoothing over his father's angry outbursts or apologizing for his wife’s sharp comments at dinner parties, he learned early to bend himself into whatever shape kept the peace.
When Vijay married Aarti, he believed he’d found someone ambitious, charismatic, and confident—a woman who could lead, dazzle, and take on the world. She lit up every room she walked into, commanded attention, and spoke with the certainty of someone destined for success.
But over time, that charisma turned into control. Compliments became criticisms. Conversations became monologues. Vijay wasn't a partner—he was an audience. And no matter how much he gave, it was never enough.
The stress bled into his professional life. Once a confident and collaborative marketing manager, Vijay became withdrawn and hesitant. He passed on promotions, avoided office conversations, and began doubting his judgment. Aarti had undermined his confidence so subtly—and so constantly—that he barely noticed how small he'd become.
It wasn’t until he stumbled upon an article on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) that things clicked.
“This is her,” he whispered. “This is what I’ve been living with.”
Vijay’s story is painfully common. Whether in families, marriages, or workplaces, narcissistic behavior can quietly erode one’s emotional health. Let’s unpack what NPD really is—and how it affects lives, often in ways that go unseen for years.
What Is Narcissistic Personality Disorder?
Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is a long-term pattern of behavior and internal experience that revolves around:
An inflated sense of self-importance Example: A manager who insists on being referred to as “visionary” in company emails—even though the team does most of the work.
A need for constant admiration Example: A spouse who sulks or starts fights if others are praised more than them at family gatherings.
Lack of empathy Example: A friend who brushes off your grief over a loss by saying, “You’re too emotional. Toughen up.”
Fragile self-esteem masked by arrogance Example: A colleague who boasts endlessly about their success, but reacts with rage or withdrawal when given even mild feedback.
These traits form a deep and rigid part of the person’s identity, shaping how they relate to others and handle conflict, criticism, or vulnerability.
Common Behaviors of Someone with NPD (with Examples)
Exaggerating Achievements and Talents
Constantly Seeking Praise and Validation
Dismissing or Minimizing Others’ Feelings
Taking Advantage of Others
Overreacting to Criticism
Appearing Arrogant or Entitled
Impact on Work Life (with Examples)
People with NPD often rise quickly in careers—especially in industries that reward confidence and visibility. But their patterns eventually sabotage teams and trust.
Demanding Leadership Roles Without Merit
Undermining Colleagues
Taking Credit for Others’ Work
Poor Teamwork and Collaboration
Overreacting to Feedback or Performance Reviews
Over time, the workplace becomes a tense environment where people are afraid to speak up, collaborate honestly, or trust leadership.
Impact on Family and Relationships (with Examples)
Spouses:
Example: A wife constantly points out her husband’s flaws in public, says he “would be nowhere without her,” and flips the narrative when confronted, saying, “You’re too sensitive.”
Over time, the spouse may feel invisible, emotionally exhausted, and unsure of what’s real.
Children:
Example: A child wins a school award, and the parent’s first response is, “That’s nice, but you should’ve won first place.”
The child feels unworthy, constantly performing for affection, and fears failure.
Extended Family:
Example: The narcissistic parent divides siblings by favoring one and scapegoating another, creating lifelong rifts.
Holidays and family events revolve around their moods and approval, not genuine connection.
Effects on People Around Them (with Examples)
Chronic Anxiety
Low Self-Esteem
Gaslighting
Emotional Burnout
Isolation
In Vijay’s case, his world had shrunk around Aarti’s moods. He had started living for damage control rather than joy. Therapy helped him name the pattern and start reclaiming himself.
How to Deal With Someone Who Has NPD (with Strategies)
1. Set and Maintain Clear Boundaries
Example: “I’m not okay with being yelled at. If it happens again, I’ll leave the conversation.”
Don’t engage in circular arguments. Calm, firm, and consistent is key.
2. Stop Expecting Empathy
Expecting them to “see your side” often leads to disappointment or gaslighting.
Instead, validate your own feelings and find empathy from trusted others.
3. Limit Emotional Dependence
Don’t rely on them for approval, comfort, or validation—they’ll often withhold it to maintain control.
Build emotional resilience with friends, therapy, and self-reflection.
4. Avoid Trying to Fix Them
You are not their therapist, nor their savior.
Trying to “love them into healing” usually leads to self-abandonment.
5. Protect Your Mental Health
Document conversations if needed, create space for self-care, and seek support.
Emotional detachment doesn’t mean being cold—it means protecting your energy.
6. Know When to Leave
Sometimes, the healthiest option is walking away—especially when the behavior is emotionally or verbally abusive.
You can care for someone without staying in a harmful dynamic.
Can Narcissists Change?
Yes, but it’s rare—and it requires:
Acknowledging their behavior (which goes against their core defenses)
Committing to long-term therapy
Facing discomfort, shame, and vulnerability
Most people with NPD don’t seek help unless something major—like a divorce or job loss—shakes them up. And even then, real change is slow, painful, and often incomplete.
Final Words: Healing Starts with Awareness
Vijay’s story isn’t about blaming Aarti—it’s about recognizing the emotional patterns that were slowly suffocating him. Once he understood what was happening, he could stop doubting himself and start living differently.
If you’re in a similar situation, know this:
You’re not too sensitive. You’re not imagining it. And you don’t have to keep explaining yourself to someone who doesn’t want to understand.
Healing begins the moment you stop trying to change them—and start standing up for you.
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